Growing up Girl

So I figure I'll break down my intern year into a few different categories. Today was me becoming a girl.

Yes I have always been a girl. No I did not have an operation to make me a girl. Yes I am being serious.

What I meant was how I grew into being a girly girl. Gee people ;)

So I went into Interns not caring about being a girl. I wore the same ugly flats every day, I wore the same dark coloured type clothes. I had long dark hair with no bangs. Seriously none. I would hide behind my hair or throw it up into a ponytail.

                                                 Me then -> -> ->

Right after going to Cambodia the girls on my team convinced me to get at least side bangs. So I did. At prom  I had a nice dress - first time I dressed up. My cousin took me to go get my hair done professionally. I would have been happy if she just curled it herself and just pinned it back. And she did my make-up. I was, to be honest, really annoyed at that. I did not want my make-up done. I had had my mind made up years ago that make-up made people ugly - or at least made then fake. But I really had no say in the matter, I was to wear make-up for prom. She always wanted to attack my eyebrows but I'm quiet attached to them.

In Interns that was challenged. KS grew up with make-up. She had a different view. If you know her you know she is IMPOSSIBLE to argue with. So I wouldn't. I just didn't argue with her. Yet I changed.

It was all God. As I grew to know who He was truly (or better then I knew before) and who I was in Him I grew to love myself. As I grew to love myself then suddenly I was trying more.

I went for multiple haircuts. My hair kept getting shorter and shorter. I dyed it red (and then dark purple which faded to red, but that was more recent). I mastered the art of wearing heels (short ones at least) and worked my way up to higher ones. My clothes got colour (specifically purple but still) and really just looked better all over.

<- <- <- Me now

And really that was all God teaching me to love myself. In order to love myself I had to love Him. As I grew to love Him, I grew to love myself. As you grow to love yourself you grow in your capacity to love others.

And really all things considered my hair and clothes and awesome purple high heels were just an outward show of an inward change.

Hollie.

Framily of Eight

For the sake of my sanity in my re-naming of people. They are now just initials. Cause if I am to keep making up names I will be SO confused. For the most part at least.

So I decided to do Interns. The presumed bane of my existence. I thought it would be whatever. A few classes, helping out in church. Whatever. Get in, do the program, get out. No problem.

Boy was I wrong.

Melody was going to do Interns as well. That calmed my nerves a bit. At least I would know one person in the program. All together there would be eight of us (largest class yet). Two second years, and six first years. Two guys and six girls. (The two guys were not the second years). For girls there were KS and S (both were the second years) Melody, me, K-A, Eva. For the boys there was JJ and Jay. They boys are brothers. JJ is the older one (hence two J's - okay actually JJ was just the nickname he somehow got from S). And I was supposed to get along with all seven of them o.O

We started off on a retreat at a cabin. That is were I met a close friend of mine Bonnie. But during this retreat I tried to retreat from everybody. I wasn't really a people person. I liked my books. I liked to write. I did not like people. One of the hardest parts of it was one of the nights when we each had to share our testimony. I kinda skimmed over it. A brief over view of my life. Pretty much a "life sucks, and I'm here" type of over view.

Classes started the following week. The class I remember most really was the one which we read the book "Breaking Intimidation" by John Bevere (affectionately called JohnnyB by our class) which was all about over coming fears and not being intimidated. I had a lot of fears. Chances are if you named something I was afraid of it. Or "strongly disliked in an avoiding fashion"

In some ways it was just like school. There were classes three days a week AND homework. But the classes were just in the morning. In the afternoon we would do ministry tracks. For example before Christmas was a lot of painting. We were painting a few more scenes for our churches annual Nativity Drive-Thru.

If that was it I would be fine. But no. Interns thrives on correcting your attitude. If you have a bad attitude it will be confronted. And it is expected that you will change it.

I had an awful attitude. I was rude, cynical, insincere, and avoiding. A part of it was immaturity, and a part of it was insecurity. All of it was wrong, unacceptable, and needed to be changed. Not that I wanted it to. Change hurts. I didn't like (still don't actually...) pain. Even good pain. (I can handle small doses of 'good pain' now) When an attitude had to be confronted, there was a Confrontation (or an Oreo). I had so many - at least once a month I think.

S was my accountability partner. She become kinda like my big sister. So did KS as well. They kinda tag-teamed big sister me. S would initiate something KS would bring it through.

For example: I didn't wear make-up, I had long stringy hair (that I hid behind) and kinda baggy clothes (that were dark brown mostly and black). I didn't look people in the eye and avoided lots of conversations. S challenged me (in a loving sisterly way) to boost my confidence. She said "find something that makes you feel pretty and do it." My people pleasing mind went "What would make S the happiest if I was to do it? Make-up!" Let me just say - at the time make-up did not make me feel pretty. Make-up made me feel like a fake and a phony. As a young teen when I felt ugly I would cake my face with make-up until I looked horrible and then would wash it off so I could "feel pretty" again. So make-up went against what S said but it would have made her happy.

That day I went to KS to see if she would help me go buy make-up. She agreed (to this day KS is like the big sister I never had). She took me that Friday to Walmart and I got some eyeshadow (the kind that they match to eye colour and tells you how to apply it) mascara and lip gloss. I was smiling and happy, but more because I got to hang out with KS and not because I was getting make-up.

That's just one example of KS and S investing into my life. S would be the first tell to get over myself (in better words then that) and always encouraging me to tear down the walls that I had built up around myself. I'm sure if you gave her the sledgehammer she would have attacked them herself. And in a lot of ways she did. God worked a lot through her to make me me.

And all this was before Christmas.

Hollie.

ANYTHING but that

As graduation approached I needed to find something to do after school was out. For good. Not just for summer. For good. To be frank the idea of graduating terrified me. I remember crying myself to sleep some nights because I didn't want to graduate. Not just because I liked school - but I liked the routine and consistency that school offered.

So I tried to apply for this program that would let me travel to either Germany Switzerland or Holland (the program picked where) and learn German (or Dutch if I was to go to Holland). My German teacher had suggested it to us in our grade 11 and 12 year. They never even got back to me. So I decided I would apply to the local university. I wasn't really interested in university. But I figured if I had to do something that would be fine. I'd get a BA in English or something. I lost my first application and forgot to send in the second.

There was a reason I was trying to get into anything. ANYTHING. No really. Anything. Anything but this program my church offered. It's called Interns. It's a discipleship program. Kinda like an intense Bible school and the application of what you learn in the school. All at once. I had so many youth leaders suggesting that I go. For some reason I didn't want to go. I would rather do anything - ANYTHING - then do that. I said it was because it was "expected" of me to go - kinda like you graduate and go to Interns. Just what you do at our church (total lie but still)

However nothing I tried to go to really worked.

So I did Interns.

I mean really - what else was there to do. I still was a people pleaser. The leaders wanted me to do Interns. It would make then happy. Tada!!!

It would start the following September.

Theme: I Have a Dream

I love dreams. I dream all the time. I figured it would be good. I hope you will think it was good too.

But next time so I don't make an uber-long post.

Hollie

Missions Trip #1

Like I said in my last post I went to Cambodia with my school. I was on a team with five guys, four other girls, (eight grade 12's two grade 11's), a teacher, his wife, and one of his daughters (all his children were out of school and old enough to be married). The ministry we were connecting with was run by this teacher's son.

The joke of the trip was that if our teacher could have hand picked his team from all the missions applicants  (teachers don't pick their teams) he would have picked the team he got. Three out of five guys on our team played basketball - of those three one also played volleyball. Another guy was the sports rep. We had a cheerleader, a girls volleyball team member, and all told three student council members. And those of us who didn't fit into any of those categories (like three of us) knew how to do well in his class and were smart. His favourite types of students were jocks, student council people, and smart people.

I'll be honest I don't really remember much of the trip. I know I didn't always have the world's greatest (or even a semi-decent) attitude.

We started off in Phom Phen where an old teacher of ours was now the vice-principal of a missions school. We went to Seim Reep for our 'fun days' and spent the most of our two weeks in Poi Pet. The children were so much fun to be around - although they could be a little violent and didn't quite get the concept of 'ow'

The one cool thing about the trip though - and really the reason I wanted to mention the trip at all - was Sunday. Throughout the entire trip there was a bit of a debate going on.

TOPIC

Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues.

POSITIVE

Even today you can be baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues

NEGATIVE

You can't.

The year that went before us got one epic downpour of rain. We thought that sounded amazing (it was so hot over there) so we prayed all week for rain. Every night there were electrical storms - lightening but never ever any thunder. On Sunday we do church and then have the afternoon off. During this afternoon it starts to rain. And it doesn't just rain it POURS. Huge fat raindrops that soak you to the bone - but you didn't get chilled because it was still hot out. It was so much fun. We, a bunch of mennonite kids, (if your menno you'll understand) we dancing in the rain eating mango's. It was great we could eat the mango's and not get sticky.

Now Hollie, you're thinking, you were talking about baptism and speaking in tongues. You're right I was. This was part of the day. The rain was a bit of for shadow for the evening.

So like I said we had a debating on the Holy Spirit the entire time. I was leading the Negative side of the debate. Anyway our teacher wisely saw how this could tear us apart and decided to have a discussion (not mandatory) on it. Nine out of ten of us were up there.

The long and short of it was that going into the night only two people (three including the teacher) could speak it tongues. After teaching on it one of the guys wanted to be prayed over for it. The teacher wasn't expecting anything to happen but prayed anyway. He was baptized and was speaking it tongues. And then slowly but surly all nine of us were filled with the Holy Spirit and speaking it tongues. We had a Holy Spirit party right there.

Funny thing was - was that we were in the highest room of the building we were staying it (it was a roof/room/patio type of room) - kind of an upper room experience.

Acts 2 if you don't know what I'm talking about.

CONCLUSION

Positive

Even today you can be baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues.

If you don't agree - well to bad. Sorry but I know it's true, not just because it happened to me but because it's in the Bible. You don't have to agree with me - I'll still love you.

Sorry about the long post - I just wanted to cover the whole trip.

Until next time

Hollie.

Romans 8:28 in Grade 12

In grade 11 Kelly joined our group of friends. Why, I don't really know. I think she felt weird in her old group of friends - she really only hung out with them because her best friend was in that group. I don't know why she joined, but I'm sure glad she did. At the time I wasn't. She was loud. She was obnoxiously. She could do things that would get others really annoyed - but she could get away with it just because it was her. She was everything that ticked me off about most people. She is now one of my bestest friends. Isn't it funny what God will do.

I met another one of my closest bestest friends in grade 11. Melody was as quiet and as shy as I was. She loved books just as much as I did. She started going to ACA a few months after I did. It was friendship at first church van ride.

Grade 11 was pretty much uneventful after that. Although  did start to discover God more. Its hard to really say how. But I was in an environment that was perfectly suited for me to grow and learn. As if I was the right flower in the right garden. There was nothing wrong with the garden I had previously been planted in - I was just the wrong flower for that garden. At ACA I just fit. And God made sense. Now I could visit other gardens (even for more then one Sunday in a row) and gain some nutrients and learn lots about God - useful true facts and revelations - but I would still be firmly planted in ACA. Until such time as God sees fit to plant me somewhere else (not too soon, or at all if possible....)

The other big event of grade 11 was that I remember crying late into the night about not wanting to graduate. I was getting better at doing homework and I loved having my school friends around. And while I didn't like getting up early every morning I loved going to school. It was routine. It made sense. I had been doing it for the majority of my life. School made sense and I did not want to graduate. It was inevitable but I didn't want to.

In the summer between grade 11 and grade 12 I got my first ever (and only ever) job. I had been hunting for one. In clothing stores and such places. The only place I didn't want to work at was a fast food joint. I don't know why I just didn't. My aunt challenged me on this saying that I thought that "I was too good to work at McDonalds" that was were I really didn't want to work. However I was going to prove her wrong (not please her - prove her wrong. There is a difference. Apparently). That Saturday I took my resume down to the closest McDonalds and was given an application. I filled it out, handed it in and was told to come back the next day for an interview. So on Sunday I came back for my interview and was told after a few questions "Well we've already decided we were going to hire you..." the next week I started. I started on a July 3rd. That was three years ago. I still work there.

No its not sad that I still work at McDonalds. I quiet love my job thank you very much.

Anyways. So I got the job pretty easily. And then suddenly I wanted a car. Never mind that I was only about to turn sixteen and wouldn't be able to drive this car myself for another year at least. It would take that long to save up. So I wanted a car and was very frugal about spending my money. I never did get that car.

Instead I did something better. See every year at my school there were missions trips. Over sea's missions trips. Open to grade 11's and 12's. Grade 10 and up could go to Mexico though. I didn't really want to go at first. In grade 11 I thought it would be impossible to go cause I would never have the money. In grade 12 I wasn't sure. But me and my dad went to a meeting and suddenly I just really really really really really wanted to go. And I had enough saved up for at least the first 2 payments. I wanted to go to Thailand.

Instead I went to Cambodia. But that's a post all in and of itself. For next time.

What I do have to say is how much I love that God just works everything together. Like it says in Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

I went from thinking Kelly was annoying to her being one of my closest friends. And me and Melody hit it of right away (with a lot of bumps along the way as I will explain later). And my getting the job so easily with the desire for a car (that went away almost as soon as I decided I wanted to go on a missions trip) so that I would have money saved up and ready to go on a missions trip.

I wouldn't have been able to orchestrate that even in my wildest dreams. And trust me - my dreams are pretty strange.

Hollie.

Faithful week after week

We ended up at my Oma's church. Again, it was a good church, and I'm sure now I could go there and actually learn something. But at the time I totally thought it was boring, and would want to fall asleep in the service. It wasn't long until I was just going to Sunday School before church but not the actual service itself. During the summer there was no Sunday School so I wouldn't go to church at all in the summer.

So anyways I went to one of three private schools in my town (all thanks to my great-aunt). It was a Christian school (all of the private schools here are I believe). The first day was like every other first day of a new school. I didn't know anyone and didn't talk to anyone. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I got my locker and met the only person next to me (I had an end locker), her name was Gale (again all these are made up names). She was a lot like me. Quiet and liked books. It was also her first day at the school and didn't know anyone. I followed her around like a lost puppy for the first few weeks until I found a place to sit at lunch and before school and kinda talk with people. It took all the way to June but I finally had made a group of friends. There was (originally) five of us. Me, Gale, Laura, Katie, Sonya. We spent the entire summer e-mail each other becoming the best of friends.

Grade 10 was great. I was in the same school and this time I had a group of friends to look forward to seeing and catching up with. It was great. Although towards the middle/end of it Sonya kinda split between us and another group. But really nothing notable in grade 10, until summer.

Summer was when I made my ultimatum with my dad that eventually rocked my life. I was fed up with going to church for no reason. So I told my dad, either we find a new church or I was not going to go anymore. He agreed. I thought maybe we'd try out the Pentecostal church again. However my Dad had heard of this other church ACA, and suggested it. I didn't really care, so we went. On the way there I gave God my conditions - if I didn't fall asleep or feel like I was going to fall asleep in the service then I would stay. Pastor Cory was preaching. PC (as we eventually called him) is nearly impossible to fall asleep too. He was the youth pastor, and he has a habit of yelling a line or two when he's passionate about what he's preaching (which happens a lot) and when he isn't yelling he isn't monotoned either. I liked it. Plus everyone there was super nice. So we returned the next week and the senior pastor was preaching. And while he didn't yell he was funny and wasn't dry either. So we returned the next week. And the next week. And the next. And the next. And we still go there now.

In September I started going to their youth group, and that was nerve racking because I was still shy. For the longest time, until after I graded I think, I would bring my writing book, sit on the couch and write until it was time to start. I have to give a lot of credit to the youth leaders who would take the time to sit and talk with me and try to draw me out of my tightly locked up shell. It must have been awkward because I wouldn't respond the greatest (as in I only gave one or two word answers and didn't really know how to converse) and they probably had to ask me the same questions week after week. But a lot of who I am now is in result of them being faithful to ask me those same questions every Tuesday and every Tuesday get the same one or two word answers.

We'll cover the rest of high school next time, but I'm trying to make my posts not unbearably long. So.... til next time. It shouldn't hopefully be too far in waiting.

Hollie.