I Brought You Into the World...

So over this Christmas-ish season I have been getting some of the most random thoughts. Usually beginning with "When I'm a Mom..." or "I could see myself doing this when I'm a Mom..." or "Imagine when I'll be doing this with my kids..." and better yet "I'll need to learn that for when I'm a Mom..." Most of these catch me by surprise because, well, I am not that close to becoming a Mom. In fact, I'm kinda far away from that worthy calling at the moment - you know, being single and all.

It all started while I was re-reading The Hobbit in preparation for the *then* upcoming movie. I was maybe half a chapter in and this thought drifted across me mind "One day I'll be reading this as a bed time story to my children." I could almost see it too, a little child tucked away in a bed, me sitting next to her pillow and reading in my best voices "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit." And quickly this thought was squished with a panicked thought of when does one introduce their children to such elaborate fantasy worlds. When is it too much for their little minds to handle. When is that magically threshold between "too scary" and "too boring" (although I don't see the Hobbit becoming boring ever). Will I give them nightmares? Thankfully this was soon overtaken with the logic half of my brain going "Really? Really? Hailey, you don't even have a boyfriend yet, let alone children. Stop panicking!" Thanks Logic Hailey :D So I went back to reading.

Or once I was driving with my dad and we had to drop someone off somewhere and I thought "One day I'll be dropping my kids off at their friends house's" And so many weird and little thoughts.
I have a few idea's of how I want to raise my children one day. Now, of course, I realize that there will eventually be a whole other person I need to add into this equation; and his ideals of how children should be raise - but frankly that is why we are picky when looking for the other half of the equation. But until I have another half of the equation this is what I am thinking:

As a creative person myself, creativity is something I want to foster and encourage in my children. I tell people all the time my children will be raise on a healthy does of books and outside. When they ask a question I want to hear what they think the answer is first before giving them the real "scientific and actual answer." Like in the Lion King when Timon thought stars were "firefly's caught up in that big blueish black thing." I want them to create elaborate (or simplistic) make-believe worlds where they are off rescuing the princess or exploring the second moon of Pluto or whatever they come up with
.

Raised on a healthy does
of books and outside

One of my favourite ideas is to have a Scribble Wall. Basically it will be ONE wall in the house that will have a box of wax crayons, pencil crayons, markers and chalk by it (and as they get older I will add paint and different items to paint with). They are allowed to use those items to scribble, colour, and draw on that one wall with - and not get in trouble for doing so. But of course it will be explained (probably multiple times) that the other walls are not to be drawn on - and there will be consequences for doing so. People seem to think its an interesting idea and even go off on how cool chalkboard paint is. Until, of course, I mention that I don't want to use chalkboard paint as their background to colour on - that makes it seem safe. Creativity is hardly every safe. Then they look at me like I'm weird. And even try to discourage it.

Who knows. When I'm a mom I might scrap that idea all together (though I do hope not).

I also don't want them to be trapped by gender stereotypes. I know that boys will be more likely to be wild, and girls more likely to want to play house. And I do want them to grow up with Biblical principles - I don't agrue those. However I want all my children, the boys AND the girls to know how to change their own car tires, and to know its okay to be good at sports (or if they inherit my genes, its okay to not be good at sports) and that science is fun and they can be an engineer if they want. On the flip side I want ALL of them to know how to cook, and clean and that wanting to take ballet (if your a boy) doesn't mean your gay, and to dream of the future.

 Also I want to teach them that if the girls make dinner the boys are cleaning up after dinner and vis versa. That's something I have been noticing lately that bothers the living daylights out of me. I will be in a large group of multiple families (where the kids are around my age or a little younger) where the guys will be in the living room talking mantalk, and the girls will be in the kitchen getting dinner ready (okay cool - so far so good) and then we sit down and have dinner. Then dinner is over and the guys go back to the living room (either by choice or they are sent by the ladies) and the ladies do the dishes. NO! It bothers me.I don't know why, it just does. If the girls made the dinner the guys can clean up. If the guys made the dinner then the girls should clean up. Its called sharing!
I shall end my rant there ;)

I also have a list of things I will NOT do to my children. And these are non-negotiable.

1. I will never tell my children that I hate them, don't like them, or that they are worthless
2. I will not tell them that all of their bad traits come from their father. "Geesh child, you're such a slob - must get that from your father" is something I don't want them to hear.
3. Speaking of which I won't play the 'my child/your child/our child' card. I heard this one a lot growing up. When my mom was mad at my dad and I did something amazingly well I was (conversationally speaking) "her child"as if my dad had no part of me growing up. At any point when I did something wrong and my mom would tell my dad I was "his child" like she had no ownership in me, and it was his fault I was a screw up. And when she wasn't mad at him and I did something really good I was "their child." It was actually a very confusing thing to experience as a child and did nothing for my own self worth. My children will know that no matter what they do they will be "our children" to me and my husband.
4. Still on that topic, I won't insult their father in front of them (and if I do slip up I will apologize)
5. I don't ever want to tell them that they shouldn't be crying. If something upsets them then they have a reason to cry.
6. I never want to throw their dreams back in their face. Its something I heard a lot growing up "If you don't do this, you'll never get into med school." "You think you'll get into med school? You can't even eat properly" and its something I still face today "And you want six kids?" "Do you really think you'll survive with six kids?" It is always said with a disgusted and disbelieving tone. I don't want to risk their dreams to correct or break my children.
7. I will never ever ever ever ever EVER tell my children "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!" I've been talking to a bunch of people who heard this growing up (I did too) and it doesn't seem very loving. It makes it sound like the child owes the parent something. It sounds like conditional tollerance not uncondintional love. And, as my wise married friend Bonnie says "Just because you gave birth to someone does not give you the right to murder them."

And there it is. The dreams I have for my children one day. I do find my self freaking out a lot, like I did when reading the Hobbit and fear that I'm gonna mess them up. That I'm gonna miss major milestones, that they're gonna be set back in life and its gonna be ALL MY FAULT! Then I have to rememind myself that 1) I'm still a ways off from having children. And 2) there will be a whole other person involved to help and that is so much BIGGER then all of my faults and failures. Which is very comforting.

Hailey :)