I am (or so they think):
- Counselor/Therapist
- Doctor
- Google Maps
- Fight mediator
- Nutritionist
- Best Friend
- Knower of Everything
And part of knowing everything involves being up to date on major sporting events. Which is cool and everything unless, like me, you know absolutely NOTHING about sports. But normally I can get away with it by switching the subject, however right now is the Fifa World Cup. Which is soccer. Or football... Whatever. And I work for a sponsor of said World Cup so I have to at least pretend to be knowledgeable about what is going on. And so I give to you four easy ways to bluff knowledge about any major sporting event.
1. Zip It
For my first piece of advice I take us to the Bible. More specifically to the Book of Proverbs where we will start of with great wisdom from King Solomon:
Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise
Proverbs 17:28
Basically, if you aren't saying anything, you can't say anything stupid. As your sports obsessed customer talks away just smile and nod, laugh when they laugh, groan when they do but don't say anything and you will be fine. Unless, of course, they are stuck at your till/station for an extended period of time. Then you will need the employ the other tricks.
2. Pick a Card, Any Card
The silent trick usually works. But right now my uniform consists of some random jersey from Mexico (I think) and a hat with the German flag proudly prominent on it. That alone leads to confusion for most people. But add this to the fact that I am in a tiny little room by myself and I'm the first person a drive-thru customer will see I get this a lot, "Wow, you must be a soccer fan." And sometimes because the drive-thru line has stalled I will ask them who they are cheering for in the World Cup.
That is important. Ask who they are cheering for, not if they are watching it. That way it appears that you yourself are watching the games - even though you and me both know that you aren't. The downside is, if they are cheering for a team they will now want to know who you are cheering for. This is not a time to freeze or back down. Have a team picked out ahead of time. "Holland. Definitely Holland."
How do you pick a team? That depends on a various of factors.
For the Olympics you go for your country. That's a no brainer and the easiest one.
What about the Stanley Cup Playoffs (hockey)? Pick the team whose town is closest to yours, if they aren't in the Playoffs go to the next town over. That can be used for most any sport played locally. The only tricky thing is to remember that the World Series, which is baseball, does not actually involve the world. Its entirely the United States and one lonely Canadian team.
But for the Fifa World Cup how do you pick a team? Well, however you want. Look who is playing that day and pick one. You can "cheer" for the same team every day, or switch it up every day. Just make sure, if you do the last option, that the team you are cheering for is still actually playing. You could put all the teams in a hat and pull one out - and that will be your team.
I have chosen to cheer for Holland. Because Holland was playing the first day that I was working during the Cup, and because I have a friend who lives in Holland. Yep.
3. Hey Did You Know...?
Have some facts or knowledge ready. Don't panic, you don't need a lot. Maybe two or three at the most. Why so few you ask? Because you are not going to give a full six page essay to each customer about the World Cup. Even if you use the same three facts on each customer and it is horribly repetitive to you, its the first time the customer has heard you say it.
You also do not need to recite it every customer. "Hi, your order is eight dollars. I'm cheering for Holland in the World Cup. Did you know that........." would probably have the customers thinking you were a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Bring up your facts only as it flows with your conversation. But don't hesitate or question your facts. So long as you act confident and as if you know what you are talking about the customer is sure to believe that you do know what you are talking about. I mean, you're a Customer Service Person. You are a Knower of All Things.
Here a few basic Fifa facts to help:
1. This year the event is taking place in Brazil. Like the Olympics the Fifa world cup bounces from country to country every four years or so
2. It's football. Here in North America we call soccer, but in Europe and Asia (where ALL the teams are from) it is called football. Or Fussball. Or Fusbol. Save yourself the headache while looking smart and call it football. Unless the customer corrects you and calls it soccer. Then refer to tip number 1.
3. Football/soccer is the most popular sport on the planet (or so I have been told) but the fans are the most violent.
*bonus* The score of the last game your "team" won. (Google is your friend here)
Actually, Google is your friend for any random facts you would like to get.
4. Admit it
Alright, so it will happen. A customer will call your bluff. You will slip up on a fact. Your team will have been eliminated and you didn't realize it. You'll be talking to a regular who knows you don't like sports. Any which ways, you have to admit that you have absolutely no clue what you are talking about. Don't panic. Laugh about it. Admit it gracefully. Say something witty and send them on your way. Chances are they won't remember this by the time they are on the road again. And you can start over with the next customer. No harm, no foul.
Besides, the only sport I really truly understand is Quidditch.
Hailey :)
