For the sake of my sanity in my re-naming of people. They are now just initials. Cause if I am to keep making up names I will be SO confused. For the most part at least.
So I decided to do Interns. The presumed bane of my existence. I thought it would be whatever. A few classes, helping out in church. Whatever. Get in, do the program, get out. No problem.
Boy was I wrong.
Melody was going to do Interns as well. That calmed my nerves a bit. At least I would know one person in the program. All together there would be eight of us (largest class yet). Two second years, and six first years. Two guys and six girls. (The two guys were not the second years). For girls there were KS and S (both were the second years) Melody, me, K-A, Eva. For the boys there was JJ and Jay. They boys are brothers. JJ is the older one (hence two J's - okay actually JJ was just the nickname he somehow got from S). And I was supposed to get along with all seven of them o.O
We started off on a retreat at a cabin. That is were I met a close friend of mine Bonnie. But during this retreat I tried to retreat from everybody. I wasn't really a people person. I liked my books. I liked to write. I did not like people. One of the hardest parts of it was one of the nights when we each had to share our testimony. I kinda skimmed over it. A brief over view of my life. Pretty much a "life sucks, and I'm here" type of over view.
Classes started the following week. The class I remember most really was the one which we read the book "Breaking Intimidation" by John Bevere (affectionately called JohnnyB by our class) which was all about over coming fears and not being intimidated. I had a lot of fears. Chances are if you named something I was afraid of it. Or "strongly disliked in an avoiding fashion"
In some ways it was just like school. There were classes three days a week AND homework. But the classes were just in the morning. In the afternoon we would do ministry tracks. For example before Christmas was a lot of painting. We were painting a few more scenes for our churches annual Nativity Drive-Thru.
If that was it I would be fine. But no. Interns thrives on correcting your attitude. If you have a bad attitude it will be confronted. And it is expected that you will change it.
I had an awful attitude. I was rude, cynical, insincere, and avoiding. A part of it was immaturity, and a part of it was insecurity. All of it was wrong, unacceptable, and needed to be changed. Not that I wanted it to. Change hurts. I didn't like (still don't actually...) pain. Even good pain. (I can handle small doses of 'good pain' now) When an attitude had to be confronted, there was a Confrontation (or an Oreo). I had so many - at least once a month I think.
S was my accountability partner. She become kinda like my big sister. So did KS as well. They kinda tag-teamed big sister me. S would initiate something KS would bring it through.
For example: I didn't wear make-up, I had long stringy hair (that I hid behind) and kinda baggy clothes (that were dark brown mostly and black). I didn't look people in the eye and avoided lots of conversations. S challenged me (in a loving sisterly way) to boost my confidence. She said "find something that makes you feel pretty and do it." My people pleasing mind went "What would make S the happiest if I was to do it? Make-up!" Let me just say - at the time make-up did not make me feel pretty. Make-up made me feel like a fake and a phony. As a young teen when I felt ugly I would cake my face with make-up until I looked horrible and then would wash it off so I could "feel pretty" again. So make-up went against what S said but it would have made her happy.
That day I went to KS to see if she would help me go buy make-up. She agreed (to this day KS is like the big sister I never had). She took me that Friday to Walmart and I got some eyeshadow (the kind that they match to eye colour and tells you how to apply it) mascara and lip gloss. I was smiling and happy, but more because I got to hang out with KS and not because I was getting make-up.
That's just one example of KS and S investing into my life. S would be the first tell to get over myself (in better words then that) and always encouraging me to tear down the walls that I had built up around myself. I'm sure if you gave her the sledgehammer she would have attacked them herself. And in a lot of ways she did. God worked a lot through her to make me me.
And all this was before Christmas.
Hollie.
