I write.....well

Last night I decided that today I was going to write. I had to decided last night so that I would pack a notebook in my after work bag. See I haven't been writing for a while because every time I sit down the thought or ideas I have would just fly away. And if I did write something I'd reread it and go "Blech." This is why I needed to pack the notebook last night.

So today after work I took a bus out to a small little garden park that I knew would be relatively free of people (and it was) and sat down in a nice and cozy spot and started to write. This spot was strategically chosen. See there is no internet (aaah internet) there so that was one distraction gone. And then the lack of people meant lack of motivation to People Watch. It also diminished the chance of bumping into someone I know and wanting to talk instead of write.

There I sat surrounded by serene looking trees listening to a man made waterfall, pen in hand notebook open to a fresh page and..........NOTHING! I didn't know what story idea to go with. Or where to go with them. Or how to start. Or where to continue. Same old same old "I can't write right now" reasons. So I decided to flip through the notebook to see what I had in there and lo-and-behold I found some poems. Some of the very same poems that I have "blech'd" in the past. And I sat there reading them I was struck by the realization.

DANG! I write good!

(I mean well)

I also noticed that two of them weren't finished. Of the two I still don't know where I want to go from where I left off, but the other one I had a burst of ideas for it. So I set to work finishing it. And once that was done I was able to work on a story opening that I will probably rewrite because I realized that it was all conterary to the type of character the narrator was supposed to be.

But anyways I have decided I am going to share with you the poem I finished today. And cause I like to rock the boat once in a while, make some waves and make a point its a little (lot, lottle?) contraversal. Or at least I like to think so.

All useless read the sign "Arbeit macht frei"

Civil society blind, turned aside

And left six million to be free to die,

The ain't human, they are not our kind.

It took a war to free African slaves,

By skin alone was human worth appraised

The cost of freedom sending boys to graves;

Such sacrifice deemed worthy to be praised.

Yet we stand centuries, decades later

And claim children unwanted parasite

To value them makes you woman hater,

For they make her infinite freedom, finite.

The cost of freedom sending boys to graves

Cause they ain't human, they are not our kind.

Hailey

The Customer Service Guide to Major Sporting Events

I work in Customer Service. Eight hours a day, five days a week I spend talking with people. While it's a lot of fun, customers have a very strange idea of what a customer service person is. My list of job titles go so far beyond "That voice on the headset" and "The lady you give your order to."
I am (or so they think):

• Counselor/Therapist
• Doctor
• Google Maps
• Fight mediator
• Nutritionist
• Best Friend
• Knower of Everything

And part of knowing everything involves being up to date on major sporting events. Which is cool and everything unless, like me, you know absolutely NOTHING about sports. But normally I can get away with it by switching the subject, however right now is the Fifa World Cup. Which is soccer. Or football... Whatever. And I work for a sponsor of said World Cup so I have to at least pretend to be knowledgeable about what is going on. And so I give to you four easy ways to bluff knowledge about any major sporting event.

1. Zip It

For my first piece of advice I take us to the Bible. More specifically to the Book of Proverbs where we will start of with great wisdom from King Solomon:

Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise

Proverbs 17:28

Basically, if you aren't saying anything, you can't say anything stupid. As your sports obsessed customer talks away just smile and nod, laugh when they laugh, groan when they do but don't say anything and you will be fine. Unless, of course, they are stuck at your till/station for an extended period of time. Then you will need the employ the other tricks.

2. Pick a Card, Any Card

The silent trick usually works. But right now my uniform consists of some random jersey from Mexico (I think) and a hat with the German flag proudly prominent on it. That alone leads to confusion for most people. But add this to the fact that I am in a tiny little room by myself and I'm the first person a drive-thru customer will see I get this a lot, "Wow, you must be a soccer fan." And sometimes because the drive-thru line has stalled I will ask them who they are cheering for in the World Cup.

That is important. Ask who they are cheering for, not if they are watching it. That way it appears that you yourself are watching the games - even though you and me both know that you aren't. The downside is, if they are cheering for a team they will now want to know who you are cheering for. This is not a time to freeze or back down. Have a team picked out ahead of time. "Holland. Definitely Holland."

How do you pick a team? That depends on a various of factors.

For the Olympics you go for your country. That's a no brainer and the easiest one.

What about the Stanley Cup Playoffs (hockey)? Pick the team whose town is closest to yours, if they aren't in the Playoffs go to the next town over. That can be used for most any sport played locally. The only tricky thing is to remember that the World Series, which is baseball, does not actually involve the world. Its entirely the United States and one lonely Canadian team.

But for the Fifa World Cup how do you pick a team? Well, however you want. Look who is playing that day and pick one. You can "cheer" for the same team every day, or switch it up every day. Just make sure, if you do the last option, that the team you are cheering for is still actually playing. You could put all the teams in a hat and pull one out - and that will be your team.

I have chosen to cheer for Holland. Because Holland was playing the first day that I was working during the Cup, and because I have a friend who lives in Holland. Yep.

3. Hey Did You Know...?

Have some facts or knowledge ready. Don't panic, you don't need a lot. Maybe two or three at the most. Why so few you ask? Because you are not going to give a full six page essay to each customer about the World Cup. Even if you use the same three facts on each customer and it is horribly repetitive to you, its the first time the customer has heard you say it.

You also do not need to recite it every customer. "Hi, your order is eight dollars. I'm cheering for Holland in the World Cup. Did you know that........." would probably have the customers thinking you were a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Bring up your facts only as it flows with your conversation. But don't hesitate or question your facts. So long as you act confident and as if you know what you are talking about the customer is sure to believe that you do know what you are talking about. I mean, you're a Customer Service Person. You are a Knower of All Things.

Here a few basic Fifa facts to help:

1. This year the event is taking place in Brazil. Like the Olympics the Fifa world cup bounces from country to country every four years or so

2. It's football. Here in North America we call soccer, but in Europe and Asia (where ALL the teams are from) it is called football. Or Fussball. Or Fusbol. Save yourself the headache while looking smart and call it football. Unless the customer corrects you and calls it soccer. Then refer to tip number 1.

3. Football/soccer is the most popular sport on the planet (or so I have been told) but the fans are the most violent.

*bonus* The score of the last game your "team" won. (Google is your friend here)

Actually, Google is your friend for any random facts you would like to get.

4. Admit it

Alright, so it will happen. A customer will call your bluff. You will slip up on a fact. Your team will have been eliminated and you didn't realize it. You'll be talking to a regular who knows you don't like sports. Any which ways, you have to admit that you have absolutely no clue what you are talking about. Don't panic. Laugh about it. Admit it gracefully. Say something witty and send them on your way. Chances are they won't remember this by the time they are on the road again. And you can start over with the next customer. No harm, no foul.

Besides, the only sport I really truly understand is Quidditch.

Hailey :)

The Province of Vancouver

Would you believe that over these last few *ahem* five *ahem* months I've had a gazillion and some blog post ideas. Everything from nuclear bombs (February Netflix-athon) to ranting about people not responding to Facebook Event Invites (this morning). However my computer over heats if the room window is shut, and with the window open my room gets cold.

I'm also very good at procrastinating and making excuses.

Anywho today I am going to blow your mind with crazy crazy revelation. Are you ready? Are you sure? This might actually blow your thinking thing. OK ready? Strap on your seat belt. OK here it is:

The province of British Columbia is more then just the city of Vancouver!

Shocking right?!?!

Okay to be fair its more like, the province of BC is actually more then the Lower Mainland.

What brought on this you ask? Well today I was reading a Facebook thing "You Might be from British Columbia If" and 11 of  the 34 items were Vancouver and Lower Mainland related. 6 items could be used to anywhere in Canada and maybe maybe 3 items that I would actually say are BC wide. And before you point out that I live near Vancouver and so can't justifiably point out what it is like in the rest of BC I shall counter that and point out that I have lived in Northern BC, the Interior of BC and the Lower Mainland. I think I classify as qualified.

I remember as a child not being able to play on the playground at school over winter because there was so much snow that the playground was not accessible. Or my favourite memory was I had this round sled that kinda looked like a trashcan lid, and my Dad drilled a hole in it put a rope through it and tied it to our German Sheppard. And then with me on the sled, Dad and the dog went running. It was so much fun until we went around a corner too fast and I lost my grip on the handles, went flying and hit a house. I remember snowball fights being forbidden at school because there might be ice in the snowball that could cause an injury.

Speaking of which one difference between all of BC and the soaked coast of BC takes place at recess. So as a child recess and lunch break was always outside with only two exceptions

1) The temperature was -20* Celsius BEFORE the windchill
2) It was raining

Now in the Lower Mainland having an inside recess because it is raining would be a little impractical and not to mention improbable. But the LM also has two exceptions for outside recess

1) The temperature is too cold. I don't know the exact temperature because I was in high school by then but I think it's somewhere around -5* Celsius
2) Its snowing

Very very different and yet both inexplicably both BC.

I would say the perks of some of the rest of BC would be:

• Thunderstorms
• Northern Lights
• White Christmas. Every. Year.
• Hot hot summers
• Its actually dark out for Halloween
• Snow (I cannot believe I just said that. I hate snow. I really do. Kind of. I don't actually know, I'm kinda on the fence about snow right now)

The perks of the Lower Mainland BC would be:

• It doesn't get cold in the winter really
• Puddle jumping (if you're cool like that)
• Spring conceivably starts early
• No snow (except that's not a perk in December around Christmas)
• Two international airports for easy traveling
• Because of the excess rain the flowers here are abundant and beautiful

See both Real BC and perceived BC are beautiful and unique. And seeing as there is no end to the wrong perception of our beautiful province I propose that we split BC. So all the parts of BC that are actually like Canada will stay the Province of British Columbia. And then the Lower Mainland and Vancouver Island will the the Province of Vancouver, to end the confusion.

Hailey :)

PS: I was joking. We should not split BC up. Don't do it!