I quit!!

My first year really did end on a high note. The year was done. I had changed so much. I had a fun summer to look forward to - I was going to camp, and I was going to repeat the year the following year.

*snicker*

Second Year is so much different then First Year. In my first year we were the largest class to date - 8 people. In my second year we were the smallest - 5 people. I was also the first second year in the history of interns to not have a partner second year with them. Which was totally God making sure I didn't just hide behind some other leader and not grow in leadership myself (we'll cover this later). And then there was the fact that I HAD to be a leader. That's what being a Second Year is. It sucked.

As per random usual there were two of one gender (this time the girls) and three of the other (obviously the guys). For the girls there was me and Anna, and for the boys there was Shades (twin to JJ/older brother to Jay), Mike and C.

It started off well. It started off promising. We went camping. It rained. The entire weekend. Not just a drop here and a drop there. It poured. So much so that mine and Anna's tent flooded. We were tentless. Our brilliant solution? We were gonna sleep on the picnic table because it was covered by a food tent. That idea lasted about three minutes. Those three guys we were with wouldn't allow it, gave us their tent (even moved our stuff in and there's out so we couldn't complain) and slept on the picnic table instead. One on one bench, one on the other, and the third on the table. It promised to be a great year. And then we started classes.

To say we got along really well would be - well a false statement. To say we listened to each other would be a down right lie. And to say none of us were hard-headed and stubborn would be laughable at best. And to make matters worse for me, I'm not a natural leader. At all. No seriously. I like suggesting idea's, and I like my suggestions happening, but being like "No, it's going to happen this way and we are all going to agree so we can get it done faster" is not in my DNA. I don't like seeming mean, I'm very conscious of how people perceive me and I was (remember) a people pleaser. I lasted maybe a month and I was ready to quit.


Now I've wanted  to quit stuff before. Multiple times even. In grade 9 I wanted to quit helping backstage of the school play. I thought it was too hard, and the stage director too mean, and the tasks to complicating. I would wait out the play and
 then not join stage crew again next year. Hehe. Guess what happened to me? Grade 10 had me on stage crew. So did grades 11 and 12. And you know what, I loved it. It was part of who I was, what I did, in high school. I actually wouldn't mind getting back into theater like that. And seeing as I'm done Interns and actually have time on my hands (weird....time) I might do so.

I wanted to quit in my first year of Interns too. I wasn't fitting it. I seemed to be doing everything wrong. No matter how hard I tried it seemed like I wasn't being perfect. I was disappointing everyone. It was too hard. But again I didn't
want to just quit because that would make me a quitter and it would disappoint everyone even more (remember I went into my first year to make people happy and proud of me). So I would wait out the year and then never look back. I would never ever EVER do Interns again. I'm glad doesn't listen to our "I'm never going to..." statements.

But my second year was different. I was ready to quit. Hand in my books, take my name out of the class, not attend. Let PC think I was a failure, and all my teachers too. There was just no way on earth I was going to get through that year. I wasn't a leader and I thought God putting me through it was just not fair! KS (my second year) took me out for coffee many times, and at the end of each one we would end up sitting in her car, me crying my eyes out complaining about how hard it was and how I wanted to quit and all my complaints. She sat there listening and she comforted me "just think," she would say, "God is prepairing you for something bigger" I'm not sure how that was supposed to comfort me. And at the time it didn't - oddly enough. But now looking back, she's right. Maybe He was. Any way I kinda feel like Superwoman I can take on anything! I am now a leader (how this happened I will explain later I promised, but if I continued on this post it would just be way to long)

Another person who really helped me was my friend Bonnie. She had done two years of Interns (the first two years we had Interns in the church in fact) as well as a year at another dicsipleship school. She was one of the teachers, and was my accountablity partner. She was the one to encourage me and give me tips on how to improve on my leadership and how to communicate better with my first years.

I really don't think I would have survived the year if God hadn't made sure KS and Bonnie were there. I  really don't.

Well actually I don't quit. God hasn't let me quit yet. And He has been faithful in all of my wanting's to quit. Each time I hung on tight and toughed it out, relying on the fact that He knew what He was doing there was a good reward at the end. From Grade 9 I developed a love of theatre. My first year gave me confidence and a high self esteem. My second year more confidence more self esteem and much much better leadership skills.

So please don't quit. God does have a plan - even if you me and we can't see it.

Hollie.