Crescendo

Oh my goodness! Two blog posts in one year! What is the world coming too? I-I mean HI! How are you? I've missed you. We are changing. Me. I am changing. And the blog (like the new layout?). For example, "Hi, I'm Hailey, not Hollie" (no Hailey is not Hollie's twin, Hailey has not locked Hollie in the cellar and is not taking over her blog. Hailey and Hollie are the same person.) I was talking with that married friend of mine who also blogs the other day and she kinda said "You know, you need to start using your own name" And she's right. So ya. I'm Hailey.

Anyways.

So yesterday I was getting ready for the Young Adults group I go to every Wednesday. Which involves the usual, you know picking an outfit, doing my hair and make-up. Probably changing my hair or outfit, or both, depending on how I'm feeling. You know, like a girl. And I'm lucky to have a full length mirror in my room. Cause I'm short, so standing in front of the bathroom mirror just doesn't work when you see maybe rib cage up, (more like shoulders and up). So anyway, I had turned to get something, and from the corner of my eye I saw my reflection and I was caught by a weird awesome strange thought.

Holy moly I'm skinny!

I know. Such a weird thought for a girl to have. Not "uhg, I'm fat." No "ew, that's ugly." Nope. "holy moly I'm skinny." And I'm sure such a comment for those of you who know me would be "Well no duh! Look at you!" I'm sure that people around me probably could have told me I was skinny until they were blue in the face before yesterday, and I would have thanked them, smiled a little and gone on my way not really believing them. People have told me this. Well, they tell me that I'm tiny. Which in my head translates into height-wise more then waist-wise. In my head I'm not that tiny. In my head I'm a little pudgy for my height. My head tells me that I have a little bit of belly that I could lose. My head tells me a LIE!

And what is weird is that the mirror, the MIRROR, the greatest frienemy a girl will ever have, the mirror. The mirror is what was telling me the truth. Man, God uses things creatively. Lately though, I'll be honest, me and the way I think keep getting "beauty slapped." Every time I look in a mirror its like God goes "See, aren't you beautiful?" But I'm a girl, so I have a hard time believing it. I have to fight to believe it.

What does me being a girl have to do with it? Well, EVERYTHING. Ladies, woman, girls, we were created

Like my drawing skills?

to be beautiful. From the top of our head to the tips of our toes, God created us to be beautiful. So, of course, Satan attacks that. Quite efficiently. I have yet to meet a lady who doesn't have at least one (at least six?) things about herself she doesn't like. Put her in front of a mirror at ask her what is ugly or what she hates or what she wishes to change and she could do it. Easily. Maybe not out loud but she could do it. It's hardwired into us. Part of the fallen sinful world and nature we live in.

And the stupid thing is, is it doesn't matter how self confident she truly is. Doesn't matter how sure of her identity in God she is. It doesn't matter how much revelation of her own beauty she has. There will be seconds, minutes, moments, days where her beauty is under attack. And that is what it is, an attack. An attack that tells her she is ugly, and not worth it, and no one will ever think she is pity. And that is a lie from the pit of  hell, and I hate it. Satan knows where to hit, and hits hard. Because if you start to doubt one part of who you are, of who God created you to be, you start to doubt all of it.

Do you know God said during creation?

Well, when He created light God saw that the light was good (Genesis 1:4)

When He separated the land from the seas God saw that it was good (Genesis 1:10)

When He created plants God saw that it was good (Genesis 1:12)

When He created the sun and the moon and the stars God saw that it was good (Genesis 1:18)

When He created the sea animals God saw that it was good (Genesis 1:21)

When He created land animals God saw that it was good (Genesis 1:25)

When He created just man He said "It is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18)

But after He had created both man and woman He "saw all He had made, and behold, it was very good" (Genesis 1:31)

Do you notice He didn't say it was very good until after He was done. And right before He was almost done, when He had only one final piece of creation left He said it was not good. See, God created woman. He created their beauty. And it was very good.

I guess the best way I can describe it is to not use my own words because I don't fully understand it yet either, let be able to find words for it. But I was reading in a book called "Captivating" and I think this explains it best. I thought about not sharing it because, honestly, its sometimes seems self serving. As if thinking I could be, as if woman could be, beautiful is self serving. Yet it is what God planned. So this excerpt is from the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Its in Chapter Two, but I don't have a page number for you because I have this on my e-reader and e-reader's (at least this one) doesn't have page numbers.

He (Adam) is...magnificent. Truly, the masterpiece seems complete. And yet, the Master says that something is not good. Not right. Something is missing...and that something is Eve

She is the crescendo, the final astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Masters finishing touch

(skip a bit)

Eve is...breathtaking.

Given the way creating unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought.

So see ladies. God created us to be beautiful. So, on those days when you don't feel pretty. When your hair is a mess, your face resembles the rocky mountains more then the prairies, and you just feel bloated, remember that God made you beautiful and you are worth more then the numbers on the scale and the size of your waist. If you have a hard time believing that, I challenge you, every time you look in the mirror say 3 good things about yourself. About your looks, about your personality. About you. But they have to be positive.

For example: (these are actually some of mine)

1) I have really pretty eyes (NOT I have really pretty eyes but my eyebrows need some help)

2) I have a good sense of style (NOT I have a good sense of style but I need a better body for it)

3) My hair looks really nice today (NOT My hair looks really nice today but have you seen all those pimples?)

JUST the positives. No ifs ands or buts about it.

So ya. That's what I've been thinking about lately. But if you'll excuse me, I must find this speaker that turned itself on and is making this unfortunate 'whoop whoop whoop' noise before my sanity goes skipping out the window.

Hailey (who honestly does not have Hollie locked away in the cellar. Or attic)

PS, for a more thought out discussion of beauty, creation, sexuality and all that good stuff, visit my friend Bonnie's blog, The Original Plan at http://theoriginalplan.blogspot.ca/ thanks :)

With This Ring

Wow, it sure has been a long time hasn't it? Well, I'm back. Kinda. For this post at least. My life has been kinda boring lately, so there isn't much interestingness to post about. And any deep philosophical thoughts I have can be expressed in one or two sentences on a Facebook status - a whole blog post about it would seem long winded. But something happened today that warranted a post. And someone of you may even be trying to guess from the title of this blog and let me tell you now, NO I'm not getting married or just married. I'm still has single as I was the last time I posted. But before I tell you, lets have some backstory. Cause I'm a girl, and we talk in circles (hehehe)

So anyways awhile back now, probably around January or earlier I was thinking about weddings and marriage, cause I'm a girl, and that's just what we do. And I was thinking, there are some weddings that are nice and pretty and the bride looks lovely and the groom looks dashing and everyone raves about it but in a year or so its kinda forgotten. And then there are some weddings that just had that little something extra and even five, ten, twenty years down the road people still remember that wedding. And I thought "I want a wedding that everyone will remember." I wanted the fairy tale wedding that everyone remembers and everyone cried at and was just you know - fairy tale-like. And I was sitting there thinking God hit me with this thought

Are you willing to go through the fairy tale process to get that fairy tale wedding?

I mean, just think about it. Snow White DIED before she met her prince. Cinderella was a slave. Sleeping Beauty was cursed and slept for a 100 years. Rapunzel was locked away in a tower, and when her prince came he was blinded by the witch. I could go on. All of them had something crazy, something stupid, something crazy stupid crazy happen to them before they met their prince, or after they met their prince. But all before they could marry their prince. That's what made their weddings memorable. I mean, if Snow White had met her prince, and was married the next day with the evil Queen's blessing would you really remember the story? Ya, me neither.

Well, I told God I was willing. And slowly things started changing. First, God gave me a new set of rules. Now please, please don't run away now. These were good rules. Rules for me. Rules that will keep my heart safe and happy and whole. And really it was one rule. And the rule was, I wasn't allowed to tell ANYONE that I liked someone. Or who I liked. Or that I was thinking I might possibly potentially in the smallest slightest way be liking someone. And the reason behind it was quiet simple too.
For one once you tell your girl friends that you like someone EVERYTHING you do has a double meaning or a double motive or a double anything in their eyes, even if you don't intend that. That's just kinda the way it is. And so if you tell someone that you might think that you possibly potentially in the smallest slightest way like someone and they think everything you do is because you like that other person you start to wonder if you really do like them, and it just messes with your heart. Or at least it does to mine.
And for the other, as a married friend of mine explained, if you say you like someone to a bunch of girls the automatic response for the other person is to either step back from their friendship with the guy (because they don't want you to feel threatened) or to "go after" the guy more aggressively.

I was given a list of three, thats it THREE, people I was allowed to tell when I liked someone.
1) My dad, cause he's my dad.
2) An older than me lady (I can't call her older, that makes her sound like she's retired) who I am close to, who is full of wisdom.
3) That married friend of mine that is mentioned above, because she spends a lot of time researching relationships. And how they effect people. And what purity really means. And everything like that. She looks to see what God says about all of that.

And then slowly God has been working with me on flirting. And what actually is flirting and what is actually okay to do. Remarkably it hasn't actually been that hard to step back from most of it. Though sometimes God has to point it out two or three times before I clue in.

And all of this has led to what we started talking about at the beginning of the post. What happened today?

Well, at the Young Adults group I go to we actually just started a series on relationships and its been pretty good. We spent one night talking about guys, one night about girls, and now one night on what it means to be single. And my mind started to wander to purity rings - which had absolutely NOTHING to do with any of those nights. And I started to want one. Just because my heart had been changing so much, a little symbol of that would be nice.

So I looked, and I found one that I liked, within my price range and everything. But I had to wait until payday (today) to get it. And then I started to think. (I think a lot). And I started to realize that if this was just a ring that I wore on my finger all the time there would really be no value to it. I really could just use one of my other rings. Why did I need to buy one? What was the commitment? So I decided to write a promise with the purity ring. That's right, I wrote vows. To myself. I wrote them, and then I prayed them before I actually put on the ring. Yep. I did.

And I'm gonna write them on here too, so you can read them. Not so that you have to pray it before you wear a purity ring. But so that you know what I am doing. And my heart behind this.

With this ring I so promise to not view every man my age as a "potential one." I promise not to flirt, encourage flirting, or to tease in a leading kind of way. I promise to encourage, cheer on, and honour my brothers - as their sister. I promise also to dress in a way that is not provocative or stumbling.

I promise to go to the Lord to fill my heart, not other people - guys or friends. To strengthen and work on that relationship and trust that He will fill the aches and longings that my little heart holds.

I promise to pray for the one God will send me. The one who will replace this ring - but never God. I will pray that God strengthens him, protects him, and loves him in ways even I will not. I will pray for the future we will have. I will pray FOR him, not make an idol FROM him.

I promise to remain pure in my heart and soul, not just in my outer shell alone.

Hollie