Are you not of more value than they?

Hehehe opps. Only one post last month. I need to get on top of this. I also need to start editing my posts. (Have you ever noticed how hard it is to say editing - I always end up added another 'it' or a 'ded' to the word somehow when I say it) But that's besides the point. I could defend my lack of posting, and defensively say "well I had to move so...... there!" but that's totally bogus cause while yes I did move, I only really packed like two days before I moved and then my dad did most of the moving (I get in the way and am not very helpful when it comes to lifting and moving boxes cause boxes are heavy)

Anyways too the point. I think we have caught up to my story enough for me to just post somewhat randomly on here now. You know instead of "in this stage of my life I went through this, and at this stage I went through it again and at this stage I.........." but instead post observations and random stuff like that - and really just continue to document on how I continue to change now. If you're in for the ride sweet, if you're not don't worry. I still love you.

Anyways I will finish off with a summery before we jump into the now.

I am so thankful that God brought me through these two extreme intense years of growing. I went into my first year of interns as this quiet scared broken cynical hateful child and came out of my second year as a confident loving joyful optimistic leadertype young woman. If you don't know me I wish you could have been there to see the transformation. It was a strange ride. Emotional walls were broken down crushed and blown away. A heart of stone melted into a puddle and a new heart of not-stone was put in its place.

In the beginning I was a girl who lived with her father, and that was really the extent of her family. I now have so many ladies that are like moms and aunts to me. I have brothers and sisters.

PSALM 68:6

God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

You know that question "If you could pick any super power what would it be?" Going into Interns it would have been invisibility. Not because it lets you sneak around people and in stuff as I let myself assume. It was because I wanted to be invisible. I didn't want people to see me. Cause if people saw me they might try to get close to me. And if people got close to me they would obviously take my heart and chuck it to the floor so it could shatter into a million peaces. I wanted the power of invisibility because I already was invisible. Thankfully God see's everything, invisible or not. I'm not sure which superpower I would want now. But not invisibility.

GENESIS 16:13

Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, "Have I also here seen Him who sees me?"

I used to think no one cared about me. I remember being nine or ten in Ontario laying in bed crying because I didn't think anyone would care if I died. I would try to remind myself that my Daddy would miss me. And my Grandparents, and maybe even my Aunts and Uncles. But they ALL lived in BC and Alberta. I only saw them at some point in a two week period in the summer. So it wouldn't be that big of an adjustment if I wasn't alive no more. I didn't think my mom would care as she had Dean and Dean's daughter that I thought she loved more then me. I felt as though I was an afterthought, someone to have control over. I was still a child and already I was a few thoughts away from thoughts of suicide! Now I have people that are more then maybe's on my list of people who would care. And I don't want to die. Right now. Maybe when I'm really really really really old. Like a hundred.

MATTHEW 6:26

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

I could go on and on and on about all the little ways God has changed me over these two years, but there's too much. He's just so good! I went into Interns not really knowing about God. I knew more then when I was seven and thought all God did was move furniture to make thunder. But I didn't know much. I would be hesitant to say I was a Christian - in the sense of a follower of Christ. I was a Christian only in the way of "I go to Church on Sunday and Youth on Tuesday" which isn't really a Christian at all. God took these two years and revealed Himself to me. He showed me He was good. That He loved me. That He wanted me (as a rejected child/person, being told you are wanted by the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE was pretty epic). That He would take all my heart-ache. He took my shattered and glued together heart of stone and replaced it. He loved me so much that I couldn't help but love Him back.

EZEKIEL 36:26

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

The rest just kind of naturally followed. When you know that God loves you, you can't stay in your filth. You have to change. Not because He demands it (which He does, by the way), because its only natural. If you know that God loves you, you can't help but love yourself. And when you love yourself you treat yourself, others and God differently.

God only creates what is good. He created me. He created you. He only creates what is good. Think about it.

Hollie.