Are you not of more value than they?

Hehehe opps. Only one post last month. I need to get on top of this. I also need to start editing my posts. (Have you ever noticed how hard it is to say editing - I always end up added another 'it' or a 'ded' to the word somehow when I say it) But that's besides the point. I could defend my lack of posting, and defensively say "well I had to move so...... there!" but that's totally bogus cause while yes I did move, I only really packed like two days before I moved and then my dad did most of the moving (I get in the way and am not very helpful when it comes to lifting and moving boxes cause boxes are heavy)

Anyways too the point. I think we have caught up to my story enough for me to just post somewhat randomly on here now. You know instead of "in this stage of my life I went through this, and at this stage I went through it again and at this stage I.........." but instead post observations and random stuff like that - and really just continue to document on how I continue to change now. If you're in for the ride sweet, if you're not don't worry. I still love you.

Anyways I will finish off with a summery before we jump into the now.

I am so thankful that God brought me through these two extreme intense years of growing. I went into my first year of interns as this quiet scared broken cynical hateful child and came out of my second year as a confident loving joyful optimistic leadertype young woman. If you don't know me I wish you could have been there to see the transformation. It was a strange ride. Emotional walls were broken down crushed and blown away. A heart of stone melted into a puddle and a new heart of not-stone was put in its place.

In the beginning I was a girl who lived with her father, and that was really the extent of her family. I now have so many ladies that are like moms and aunts to me. I have brothers and sisters.

PSALM 68:6

God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

You know that question "If you could pick any super power what would it be?" Going into Interns it would have been invisibility. Not because it lets you sneak around people and in stuff as I let myself assume. It was because I wanted to be invisible. I didn't want people to see me. Cause if people saw me they might try to get close to me. And if people got close to me they would obviously take my heart and chuck it to the floor so it could shatter into a million peaces. I wanted the power of invisibility because I already was invisible. Thankfully God see's everything, invisible or not. I'm not sure which superpower I would want now. But not invisibility.

GENESIS 16:13

Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, "Have I also here seen Him who sees me?"

I used to think no one cared about me. I remember being nine or ten in Ontario laying in bed crying because I didn't think anyone would care if I died. I would try to remind myself that my Daddy would miss me. And my Grandparents, and maybe even my Aunts and Uncles. But they ALL lived in BC and Alberta. I only saw them at some point in a two week period in the summer. So it wouldn't be that big of an adjustment if I wasn't alive no more. I didn't think my mom would care as she had Dean and Dean's daughter that I thought she loved more then me. I felt as though I was an afterthought, someone to have control over. I was still a child and already I was a few thoughts away from thoughts of suicide! Now I have people that are more then maybe's on my list of people who would care. And I don't want to die. Right now. Maybe when I'm really really really really old. Like a hundred.

MATTHEW 6:26

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

I could go on and on and on about all the little ways God has changed me over these two years, but there's too much. He's just so good! I went into Interns not really knowing about God. I knew more then when I was seven and thought all God did was move furniture to make thunder. But I didn't know much. I would be hesitant to say I was a Christian - in the sense of a follower of Christ. I was a Christian only in the way of "I go to Church on Sunday and Youth on Tuesday" which isn't really a Christian at all. God took these two years and revealed Himself to me. He showed me He was good. That He loved me. That He wanted me (as a rejected child/person, being told you are wanted by the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE was pretty epic). That He would take all my heart-ache. He took my shattered and glued together heart of stone and replaced it. He loved me so much that I couldn't help but love Him back.

EZEKIEL 36:26

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

The rest just kind of naturally followed. When you know that God loves you, you can't stay in your filth. You have to change. Not because He demands it (which He does, by the way), because its only natural. If you know that God loves you, you can't help but love yourself. And when you love yourself you treat yourself, others and God differently.

God only creates what is good. He created me. He created you. He only creates what is good. Think about it.

Hollie.

I quit!!

My first year really did end on a high note. The year was done. I had changed so much. I had a fun summer to look forward to - I was going to camp, and I was going to repeat the year the following year.

*snicker*

Second Year is so much different then First Year. In my first year we were the largest class to date - 8 people. In my second year we were the smallest - 5 people. I was also the first second year in the history of interns to not have a partner second year with them. Which was totally God making sure I didn't just hide behind some other leader and not grow in leadership myself (we'll cover this later). And then there was the fact that I HAD to be a leader. That's what being a Second Year is. It sucked.

As per random usual there were two of one gender (this time the girls) and three of the other (obviously the guys). For the girls there was me and Anna, and for the boys there was Shades (twin to JJ/older brother to Jay), Mike and C.

It started off well. It started off promising. We went camping. It rained. The entire weekend. Not just a drop here and a drop there. It poured. So much so that mine and Anna's tent flooded. We were tentless. Our brilliant solution? We were gonna sleep on the picnic table because it was covered by a food tent. That idea lasted about three minutes. Those three guys we were with wouldn't allow it, gave us their tent (even moved our stuff in and there's out so we couldn't complain) and slept on the picnic table instead. One on one bench, one on the other, and the third on the table. It promised to be a great year. And then we started classes.

To say we got along really well would be - well a false statement. To say we listened to each other would be a down right lie. And to say none of us were hard-headed and stubborn would be laughable at best. And to make matters worse for me, I'm not a natural leader. At all. No seriously. I like suggesting idea's, and I like my suggestions happening, but being like "No, it's going to happen this way and we are all going to agree so we can get it done faster" is not in my DNA. I don't like seeming mean, I'm very conscious of how people perceive me and I was (remember) a people pleaser. I lasted maybe a month and I was ready to quit.


Now I've wanted  to quit stuff before. Multiple times even. In grade 9 I wanted to quit helping backstage of the school play. I thought it was too hard, and the stage director too mean, and the tasks to complicating. I would wait out the play and
 then not join stage crew again next year. Hehe. Guess what happened to me? Grade 10 had me on stage crew. So did grades 11 and 12. And you know what, I loved it. It was part of who I was, what I did, in high school. I actually wouldn't mind getting back into theater like that. And seeing as I'm done Interns and actually have time on my hands (weird....time) I might do so.

I wanted to quit in my first year of Interns too. I wasn't fitting it. I seemed to be doing everything wrong. No matter how hard I tried it seemed like I wasn't being perfect. I was disappointing everyone. It was too hard. But again I didn't
want to just quit because that would make me a quitter and it would disappoint everyone even more (remember I went into my first year to make people happy and proud of me). So I would wait out the year and then never look back. I would never ever EVER do Interns again. I'm glad doesn't listen to our "I'm never going to..." statements.

But my second year was different. I was ready to quit. Hand in my books, take my name out of the class, not attend. Let PC think I was a failure, and all my teachers too. There was just no way on earth I was going to get through that year. I wasn't a leader and I thought God putting me through it was just not fair! KS (my second year) took me out for coffee many times, and at the end of each one we would end up sitting in her car, me crying my eyes out complaining about how hard it was and how I wanted to quit and all my complaints. She sat there listening and she comforted me "just think," she would say, "God is prepairing you for something bigger" I'm not sure how that was supposed to comfort me. And at the time it didn't - oddly enough. But now looking back, she's right. Maybe He was. Any way I kinda feel like Superwoman I can take on anything! I am now a leader (how this happened I will explain later I promised, but if I continued on this post it would just be way to long)

Another person who really helped me was my friend Bonnie. She had done two years of Interns (the first two years we had Interns in the church in fact) as well as a year at another dicsipleship school. She was one of the teachers, and was my accountablity partner. She was the one to encourage me and give me tips on how to improve on my leadership and how to communicate better with my first years.

I really don't think I would have survived the year if God hadn't made sure KS and Bonnie were there. I  really don't.

Well actually I don't quit. God hasn't let me quit yet. And He has been faithful in all of my wanting's to quit. Each time I hung on tight and toughed it out, relying on the fact that He knew what He was doing there was a good reward at the end. From Grade 9 I developed a love of theatre. My first year gave me confidence and a high self esteem. My second year more confidence more self esteem and much much better leadership skills.

So please don't quit. God does have a plan - even if you me and we can't see it.

Hollie.

Missions Trip #2 - Peru

In May of 2010 we the Interns and some people from our church got to go to Peru. One of our pastor's goes there quiet often so we already had a connection (plus at least two previous Intern classes had gone as well). We had spent from January until we left practicing Drimes and preparing to do some VBS (Vacation Bible School). However our main goal of going down there was to help one Pastor build his church. He had plans for a three story building, the main level for the church, the middle for offices and such, and the third for him and his (soon to be) wife and some church employee's to live in. (And even then, his testimony of how he got the land his church is on, and even how they got the materials to make the building they had already then was so amazing)

The trip started out the way any Intern trip must start out. With a ride in Marge, the church van. That was to the airport where we boarded a plane to Huston Texas. From there was the plane to Lima Peru. We stayed the night at a hotel there and then the next morning got on a bus. Oh the bus. It's pretty much a double-decker  Greyhound-esk bus, where the bottom deck was "First Class" (had bigger seats, and less of them) and on the top deck was the rest of us. (Our two lovely second years, PC and the building crew from church got the lower deck, the rest of us where up top. I really liked it up there). And then it was a bus trip up the mountain. Up up up. And then up some more. We stopped at this one place for lunch. That was good food. Just saying. And then we took the bus down the other side of the mountain until we reached La Merced Peru. The little town that I fell in love with.

I think out of all three of my overseas missions trips, Peru is the first place that I would go back to if given the choice. Cambodia would be a close second. I fell in love with the people there, and the pace of the city, and the heat and well - I just loved it.

Pretty much, our day's from there on out followed a continuous routine. Get up (we were staying at this nice hotel, two to a room. I was rooming with Eva) have breakfast, slather yourself in bug spray and sunscreen, go to the church where we were helping to build. Have lunch, shower, change, nap ext. then off to some church or other place to do Drimes or VBS (sometimes more then once). Dinner fit in there some where. Bed. Repeat.

At the church we were building, Pastor M. (the pastor of that church) and his congregation had a BBQ for us on the first Sunday. And it was a cool Barbecue too. They dug this huge hole in the ground, and coals in the bottom and then layered the food (putting plantain leaves between each layer of food) covering it back up and letting it cook. The food was amazing. Lots of it, but amazing. See they dished out the food and then gave you the plate. It was a lot of food. On my plate there were three different types of meat, at least five potato's, one Yuka (a type of potato), a sweet potato, and a huge pile of these really amazing tasting beans (they were in pods like peas but soooo good) I couldn't finish it.

As we were getting ready to go to Peru KS (who had been to Peru the year before) was preparing us to know that we would all be sharing our testimony more then once on the trip (sometimes once per day). That was cause the year before all they were doing was Drimes and VBS morning and afternoon. Lots of the Interns did share there testimony more then once. Luckily, I only had to share my testimony once (I have, had {sorry}, this strong dislike of talking about myself and my life) but I did introduce the Drimes a lot (I was very good at it apparently).

Although, my most favourite memory is from our final Sunday there. We were at this other church and were going to do a VBS at for them that morning. When it came to VBS we were split into groups. Jay and Eva were doing games, JJ and Melody were doing crafts, KS was the director, S was taking photo's, and Me and K-A were doing the story. (I love telling stories, can't you tell?) Throughout the week we had two stories, one of Jesus calming the storm, and one of when Saul was met on the road to Damascus and went from someone who wanted to kill Christians to being a Christian. (Our theme was God's Power) K-A told the calming the storm story, and I told the Damascus story. Each time we did a VBS we switched off telling a story. So if K-A told her story I would ask the discussion questions. And when I told the story K-A would lead the discussion. We also had this brown piece of fabric we called the SS Damascus, cause when K-A was telling the story we folded it to look like a boat for the kids to sit on, and when I was telling the story it was the road to Damascus.

Anyways, it was my turn to tell the story and the group we had at that moment was of little kids. So like four and five and six year olds. We tried to make it fun for them by getting them involved. Little things like, "and then Paul couldn't see! Can you cover you're eyes and pretend to not see" or "so his friends had to lead him. Grab someones hand and pretend to walk with them" and "and then God healed him, open your eyes and see!" And there was this one little boy when we said cover your eyes, he covered his eyes stood up and tried to walk. Oh he was so cute.

And then it was time to go home. Back onto the bus. Up the mountain. Stop at the same place for food. Down down down down down the mountain. We even stopped at the same hotel. We toured Lima's catacombs during because our plane wasn't until later that night. And then we were on the way home.

God taught me a lot there. Lots on my attitude (no really. Even out of you're own country He wants you to have a good attitude) and about a new work ethic (until then I hadn't really done 'hard' labour. McWork can't be considered hard, all I do is stand there and talk and count money. In Peru I was moving rocks and shoveling dirt like no tomorrow, which for me was hard). And how love doesn't stop with a language barrier. Cause God is love, and He obviously isn't hindered by different languages. It's not like His first and only language is English. I fell in love with so many of the people there. And the fact that they didn't understand a word I said, and I didn't understand a word they said and that we needed a translator just to have a conversation didn't really stop us. This one little girl (who was about eight) would just talk and talk and talk in Spanish. And when she realized I didn't know Spanish she would talk slower (when she remembered) which didn't help me at all, but still.

 I would love to go back one day.

Hollie.