Social Butterfly

I was thinking today of the term: Social Butterfly. Usually it has a bad connotation, you know. You think of some ditsy "Like oh my gosh, you put swaid with pearls. What's wrong with you?" girl who has a million of equally shallow friends that flitz from boy to boy to boy but has relationships that are just as shallow as her outfit choices. The Urban Dictionary doesn't look to highly of her either. (I've actually never used the Urban Dictionary before, but it seemed to be the only clear definition site that Google would give me.)

But I like to change things. Or at least alter them. Today I tackle the social butterfly. Delicately. Cause we both have nails that might break ;)

I'm going to start off by saying, right now I have the group of friends that pre-Radically-Altered-by-Jesus me would have been jealous of. Yes this is relevant. It's also true.

I think its relevant because that is my way of being a social butterfly (I came to that conclusion a little bit ago). But I don't think being a social butterfly is bad - in a way. And it won't be bad as long as you shake off the ditsy stereotype. Please.

seriously who wants to look like this?

See in order to be a beautiful butterfly, you have to be an ugly plain caterpillar first. My caterpillar stage was the first seventeen years of my life. My caterpillar was different then yours. I was awkward and strange and unusual and impossible to get along with and a self imposed loner. For others their caterpillar stage is shyness. Maybe it's in middle school when they are growing into and figuring out their own style, instead of what mom and dad say their allowed to wear. Maybe your caterpillar was you were shunned out of your own friend group for some reason and spent a while not knowing who you were or what you were supposed to do. It could just be because you were at a new school. Maybe your caterpillar only lasted a week. Or a month. A year. Or several like it did for me. But any which way you did it, you caterpillared. I think everyone caterpillars at some point in time. And we each go through it differently because, well, we are all different. But don't worry. They're is hope. You will not (or at least should not) be a caterpillar for your entire life. You can be, if you choose, but you don't have to.

After you caterpillar there is the equally awkward stage of chrysalis (or cocooning). This was me at eighteen during my first year of Interns. Maybe it's not as awkward as being a caterpillar but it is a very vulnerable spot to be. See when a caterpillar is ready to be a butterfly it makes itself a cocoon and begins its transformation. While it is in this stage of its life it hangs upside down from anything, in a cocoon, with no defenses. At all. If anyone wanted to they could pick a cocoon and cut it open and the poor insect would not make it. Or an animal could come and eat it. Doesn't sound pleasant does it? But it must be worth it, or God wouldn't make the butterfly go through it. Its during this stage that the butterfly gets its wings, and goes from ugly caterpillar to stunning butterfly.

For the social butterfly the chrysalis stage of life is when she (or he. Guys can be social too. And - butterflies......?) takes the time to step back from her caterpillarness and cocoon herself in God. Listening to what He thinks of her. This is where she gets her confidence. This is where she sets herself in her God, roots herself fully. New is added to her and the old is taken away. Did you know during this stage almost everything about the caterpillar changes. They lose legs, they gain two wings, and even their mouths change? So this is where God is changing our social butterfly. Hurts from her past are taken, hope for the future is given, and even how she thinks and speaks is being changed. It's also vulnerable because at this point you are neither a butterfly nor a caterpillar. Another caterpillar, seeing you going to change will try to bring you down and take you back. An unperceptive/immature butterfly may see that you're not a caterpillar and try and force you into butterfly-hood.

Did you know if you help a butterfly out of their cocoon (aka cut it open) the butterfly will die? That's because breaking out of the cocoon actually strengthens the butterfly's previously unused flying muscles. Being a butterfly is entirely new to the insect, it's always been a caterpillar or an 'in-between' - it needs to work out its muscles.

Just like the real butterfly the social butterfly (maybe I should just call it a Christian butterfly, I seem to be talking about Christianity more then being social...) has to break out of her cocoon. And like the caterpillar she was before how she breaks out is entirely different for each girl. My cocoon breaking was my second year of interns I would say. While breaking out the social butterfly already knows about her God and who she is in Him, now is her chance to work it. This is where she acts out on it. Now how she treats people is completely different. Making all kinds of friends is easy because she is beautiful. Don't get me wrong, if you're still in the caterpillar stage - you are still good looking. I'm not saying your ugly just because you aren't the 'social butterfly'.

But people make friends with the social butterfly for not only her outward beauty (she had that the entire time) but because of her character beauty. She spent her time with her God, and continues to do so. His love, His radiance, His friendship emits from her. How can you not be friends with that? And not only does she make friends easier then her caterpillar self, but she is better at staying friends with ALL of them because she has the character of God in her.

So really, the social butterfly is just a follower of Jesus.

Hollie.

Are you not of more value than they?

Hehehe opps. Only one post last month. I need to get on top of this. I also need to start editing my posts. (Have you ever noticed how hard it is to say editing - I always end up added another 'it' or a 'ded' to the word somehow when I say it) But that's besides the point. I could defend my lack of posting, and defensively say "well I had to move so...... there!" but that's totally bogus cause while yes I did move, I only really packed like two days before I moved and then my dad did most of the moving (I get in the way and am not very helpful when it comes to lifting and moving boxes cause boxes are heavy)

Anyways too the point. I think we have caught up to my story enough for me to just post somewhat randomly on here now. You know instead of "in this stage of my life I went through this, and at this stage I went through it again and at this stage I.........." but instead post observations and random stuff like that - and really just continue to document on how I continue to change now. If you're in for the ride sweet, if you're not don't worry. I still love you.

Anyways I will finish off with a summery before we jump into the now.

I am so thankful that God brought me through these two extreme intense years of growing. I went into my first year of interns as this quiet scared broken cynical hateful child and came out of my second year as a confident loving joyful optimistic leadertype young woman. If you don't know me I wish you could have been there to see the transformation. It was a strange ride. Emotional walls were broken down crushed and blown away. A heart of stone melted into a puddle and a new heart of not-stone was put in its place.

In the beginning I was a girl who lived with her father, and that was really the extent of her family. I now have so many ladies that are like moms and aunts to me. I have brothers and sisters.

PSALM 68:6

God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

You know that question "If you could pick any super power what would it be?" Going into Interns it would have been invisibility. Not because it lets you sneak around people and in stuff as I let myself assume. It was because I wanted to be invisible. I didn't want people to see me. Cause if people saw me they might try to get close to me. And if people got close to me they would obviously take my heart and chuck it to the floor so it could shatter into a million peaces. I wanted the power of invisibility because I already was invisible. Thankfully God see's everything, invisible or not. I'm not sure which superpower I would want now. But not invisibility.

GENESIS 16:13

Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, "Have I also here seen Him who sees me?"

I used to think no one cared about me. I remember being nine or ten in Ontario laying in bed crying because I didn't think anyone would care if I died. I would try to remind myself that my Daddy would miss me. And my Grandparents, and maybe even my Aunts and Uncles. But they ALL lived in BC and Alberta. I only saw them at some point in a two week period in the summer. So it wouldn't be that big of an adjustment if I wasn't alive no more. I didn't think my mom would care as she had Dean and Dean's daughter that I thought she loved more then me. I felt as though I was an afterthought, someone to have control over. I was still a child and already I was a few thoughts away from thoughts of suicide! Now I have people that are more then maybe's on my list of people who would care. And I don't want to die. Right now. Maybe when I'm really really really really old. Like a hundred.

MATTHEW 6:26

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

I could go on and on and on about all the little ways God has changed me over these two years, but there's too much. He's just so good! I went into Interns not really knowing about God. I knew more then when I was seven and thought all God did was move furniture to make thunder. But I didn't know much. I would be hesitant to say I was a Christian - in the sense of a follower of Christ. I was a Christian only in the way of "I go to Church on Sunday and Youth on Tuesday" which isn't really a Christian at all. God took these two years and revealed Himself to me. He showed me He was good. That He loved me. That He wanted me (as a rejected child/person, being told you are wanted by the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE was pretty epic). That He would take all my heart-ache. He took my shattered and glued together heart of stone and replaced it. He loved me so much that I couldn't help but love Him back.

EZEKIEL 36:26

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

The rest just kind of naturally followed. When you know that God loves you, you can't stay in your filth. You have to change. Not because He demands it (which He does, by the way), because its only natural. If you know that God loves you, you can't help but love yourself. And when you love yourself you treat yourself, others and God differently.

God only creates what is good. He created me. He created you. He only creates what is good. Think about it.

Hollie.

I quit!!

My first year really did end on a high note. The year was done. I had changed so much. I had a fun summer to look forward to - I was going to camp, and I was going to repeat the year the following year.

*snicker*

Second Year is so much different then First Year. In my first year we were the largest class to date - 8 people. In my second year we were the smallest - 5 people. I was also the first second year in the history of interns to not have a partner second year with them. Which was totally God making sure I didn't just hide behind some other leader and not grow in leadership myself (we'll cover this later). And then there was the fact that I HAD to be a leader. That's what being a Second Year is. It sucked.

As per random usual there were two of one gender (this time the girls) and three of the other (obviously the guys). For the girls there was me and Anna, and for the boys there was Shades (twin to JJ/older brother to Jay), Mike and C.

It started off well. It started off promising. We went camping. It rained. The entire weekend. Not just a drop here and a drop there. It poured. So much so that mine and Anna's tent flooded. We were tentless. Our brilliant solution? We were gonna sleep on the picnic table because it was covered by a food tent. That idea lasted about three minutes. Those three guys we were with wouldn't allow it, gave us their tent (even moved our stuff in and there's out so we couldn't complain) and slept on the picnic table instead. One on one bench, one on the other, and the third on the table. It promised to be a great year. And then we started classes.

To say we got along really well would be - well a false statement. To say we listened to each other would be a down right lie. And to say none of us were hard-headed and stubborn would be laughable at best. And to make matters worse for me, I'm not a natural leader. At all. No seriously. I like suggesting idea's, and I like my suggestions happening, but being like "No, it's going to happen this way and we are all going to agree so we can get it done faster" is not in my DNA. I don't like seeming mean, I'm very conscious of how people perceive me and I was (remember) a people pleaser. I lasted maybe a month and I was ready to quit.


Now I've wanted  to quit stuff before. Multiple times even. In grade 9 I wanted to quit helping backstage of the school play. I thought it was too hard, and the stage director too mean, and the tasks to complicating. I would wait out the play and
 then not join stage crew again next year. Hehe. Guess what happened to me? Grade 10 had me on stage crew. So did grades 11 and 12. And you know what, I loved it. It was part of who I was, what I did, in high school. I actually wouldn't mind getting back into theater like that. And seeing as I'm done Interns and actually have time on my hands (weird....time) I might do so.

I wanted to quit in my first year of Interns too. I wasn't fitting it. I seemed to be doing everything wrong. No matter how hard I tried it seemed like I wasn't being perfect. I was disappointing everyone. It was too hard. But again I didn't
want to just quit because that would make me a quitter and it would disappoint everyone even more (remember I went into my first year to make people happy and proud of me). So I would wait out the year and then never look back. I would never ever EVER do Interns again. I'm glad doesn't listen to our "I'm never going to..." statements.

But my second year was different. I was ready to quit. Hand in my books, take my name out of the class, not attend. Let PC think I was a failure, and all my teachers too. There was just no way on earth I was going to get through that year. I wasn't a leader and I thought God putting me through it was just not fair! KS (my second year) took me out for coffee many times, and at the end of each one we would end up sitting in her car, me crying my eyes out complaining about how hard it was and how I wanted to quit and all my complaints. She sat there listening and she comforted me "just think," she would say, "God is prepairing you for something bigger" I'm not sure how that was supposed to comfort me. And at the time it didn't - oddly enough. But now looking back, she's right. Maybe He was. Any way I kinda feel like Superwoman I can take on anything! I am now a leader (how this happened I will explain later I promised, but if I continued on this post it would just be way to long)

Another person who really helped me was my friend Bonnie. She had done two years of Interns (the first two years we had Interns in the church in fact) as well as a year at another dicsipleship school. She was one of the teachers, and was my accountablity partner. She was the one to encourage me and give me tips on how to improve on my leadership and how to communicate better with my first years.

I really don't think I would have survived the year if God hadn't made sure KS and Bonnie were there. I  really don't.

Well actually I don't quit. God hasn't let me quit yet. And He has been faithful in all of my wanting's to quit. Each time I hung on tight and toughed it out, relying on the fact that He knew what He was doing there was a good reward at the end. From Grade 9 I developed a love of theatre. My first year gave me confidence and a high self esteem. My second year more confidence more self esteem and much much better leadership skills.

So please don't quit. God does have a plan - even if you me and we can't see it.

Hollie.